Which is, of course, a complete lie. But I'm not one to let the truth get in the way of a good story.

First things first. Thank be to Muncher for safely delivering us there and back again and for the Tiki tour in between. A difficult job done with style. Thank You.
Second things second. Thanks to Piez for getting his missus to do all the tour cards and the tour shirt and letting him actually go on tour. Maybe she needed a break from cooking four fried chickens with a coke every day.
Third things third. Thanks to Vic and the friendly staff at the Otematata Lakes Hotel who looked after us very well. Except for the hypothermia on the Friday night.



After pissing literally on my heritage, Red made friends with the locals and proceeded to fight them in the local manner by drinking beer as fast as humanly possible, but he wasn't quite fast enough to be effective.

Webby's skills in also failing to drink caught the eye of some of the local itinerant workers and we didn't see him again till later the next day.

Some interesting Court Charges came up on Saturday. Many of them true. But as always, you had to be there.

After court, Dick was sick. Following Breen and Jonesy being sick during court. So that was good.

Then it became time to stitch Muncher up for being a soft prick. Who would have thought there could be so many picture cards in one deck?



Saturday night, the boys were slightly less awake than Friday. Espcecially Mittens who was so tired and emotional he lost several heaters and blankets. And keys. And dignity.

And I don't know about you, but if it's dignified to not be able to take off your pants while going for a piss thereby soaking them in urine, then I'm a Scotsman.

Sunday dawned far too early for many reasons, but after the second amazing breakfast we started the Ashes with Johnno and Dirk giving our best shot to hold onto them, but alas, twasn't to be. Well done Mark and Webby.



Following that portion of the the Tour, Court was again in session and many many lies were told by defendants against completely honest charges brought by the prosecution.
Then the anti-Dirk brigade started getting Keiths to vote for anyone who wasn't named Dirk which nearly worked as for the third time in a row, he was in a tied vote. Second chances however, are Dirk's friend and he came out a clear winner for Keith of the Year

Then it was time to endure the god almighty stink of the van for the several hours it took to get back home.

With promises to all meet again next Saturday for the Awards, the trip was over.